Jack’s Winning Words 5/20/21 “I really have to go to the bathroom…IMMEDIATELY! is the best excuse for avoiding a speeding ticket.”  (Shutterstock)  Today marks the anniversary of the issuing of the 1st speeding ticket…to someone going 12 mph in an 8 mph zone.  I vividly recall receiving my 1st, and I’m sure you remember yours, too.  (Yes, some of you “lightfoots” have never gotten one).  My excuse to the officer was that “This cat got in my car without me knowing it, and I have to take it back to the golf driving range.”  Maybe I should have used the “bathroom excuse.” (Ed’s comment:  ; Although we all like to use excuses, sometimes the best approach is to fess up and admit you’re wrong-)  Jack FROM WILLMAR REV:  I've been fortunate with warnings in recent years (3, I remember) of being warned as they were stops for me going around forty mph in 30 mph zones while leaving one of the small towns out here in rural Minnesota. Two of them were in neighboring counties, and I wondered if for some reason they knew I was either a minister or a chaplain in our county? 0;-/===JACK:  I can't imagine you breaking any laws, except in the "wild days" of your youth.  I'll bet you never, ever, stepped over the foul line while bowling...and if you did, you probably said, "Excuse me!" FROM EDUCATOR PAUL:  Hasn’t happened in years, but  in today’s world? The first thing I would say is, “ No matter what t did to have you get out of your car and walk to my car… I’m sorry I put  you in that position.” ===JACK:  If you said that, he'd (she'd) probably give you a breathalyzer test.  Seriously, though, parents of color have to give the "what to do when pulled over" lecture when teaching their children to drive.  I can't remember doing that with mine.   FROM JACK:  I'd almost forgotten this one.  I was driving a car with the church's name on the door...and I was pulled over for speeding.  After giving the lecture, the cop said, "Reverand, you're supposed to scare the Hell out of people with your preaching and not your driving!  BE CAREFUL1111" FRO TRIHARDER:  "My wife ran off with a police officer, sir, and when I saw you in my rearview mirror,  I thought it was him bringing her back." ===JACK:  That's a good one, but most of the ones I've met aren't into jokes. FROM HONEST JOHN:  I wonder if anyone ever got one going to a synod convention?===JACK:  Maybe...going home from one.    FROM SAUSAGE SALESMAN:    As a 30 plus year road warrior, I found honesty and courtesy worked best. I actually had 10...yes 10 warnings in a row before getting another ticket.===JACK:  I think your dad was one of the fastest drivers I've known.  He held the record for the shortest driving time beteen Merrill and Marinette. FROM JU IN NC:  In nearly sixty years of driving, I have never had a ticket.  Maybe because I tell everyone, if you want to grow old, do it slow. Every where I have needed to go, I've always got there.  Just the other day a car dived in front of us and ahead of another   I told my wife, guess he wants to get to red light before us.  Sure nuff!===JACK:  The first traffic signal was operated here in Detroit.  I wonder how mant there now are in the USA?  Google should know.===JU:  I used to ask my Friend as he would speed from one end of town to the other, so you will get to where you're going quicker. What do you plan on doing with the two extra minutes after you arrive? ===JACK:  Did Army vehicles obey the speed limits?===JU:  They usually went slower than other traffic, but if they decided to go faster, well, no one of ever argued.===JACK:  No one argued......especially if it was a tank. FROM QUILTING CAROL:  I told the officer I was sorry and that I deserved the ticket.  I was NOT paying attention to the speed limit.  Hope I set a good example for our college aged son sitting next to me (awakened by my suddenly pulling over to the shoulder of the road).  I told him I was about to get a speeding ticket.  His comment – “You?  You never speed!”  Bless him! 😊 ===JACK:  I'll bet husbands are faster drivers than their wives. ===QC:  Not in this household…..===JACK:  I'm shocked FROM SALON SUZY:  I’ve only had one. On my way to final fitting of my wedding dress.===JACK:  Bummer.  I hope he took that as a good excuse.  If I were the cop, I would have turned on the flashers and siren and led you to the dress shop. FROM PROUD MARY:  My first and only speeding ticket was in Lake Villa. I was working at Allendale School for Boys, 1979. Was on my way back from a doctor appointment with one of the residents when he started harassing and threatening me. Thought I might get back to campus quicker if I did 40 in a 30 mile zone. When I asked the police officer if he could excuse the offense he pretty much laughed. I got back to my supervisor and told her about the situation and she pretty much laughed. When went to court and explained the situation to the judge he pretty much laughed. Have never had a ticket since. Think I learned my lesson.===JACK:  As a pastor, I might have smiled, but I would have yold you that you did the right thing.  However, I AM surprised that your slate is clean from that time until now...but who knows about tomorrow?  I gave up my driver's license yesterday (vision issues), so no more tickets for me.  The roads are now safer.