“I have a feeling that I’ve seen everything, but failed to notice the elephants.” (Anton Chekhov) A cartoon showed an elephant in a room, with two people on a couch. Painted on the side of the elephant were the words, IGNORE ME! I’m sure we’ve each been in conversations where we’ve ignored talking about what needs talking about. “How are we going to get rid of this elephant? He’s affecting our relationship.” Do you know how to get rid of elephants? ;-) Jack
FROM NORM'S BLOG: The phrase “elephant in the room” is oft used to refer to something or someone that should be too big to be ignored. It may be an unspoken prejudice that causes someone or everyone discomfort. It might be the presence of someone unexpected or unappreciated or perhaps who stands out from the rest of the crowd. Perhaps it is the introduction of a controversial conversation topic into the room. Whatever it is, there is a difference between failing to notice the elephant and ignoring the elephant. One may be forgiven for being so blissfully ignorant of the situation that they fail to see the elephant in the room; however, tolerance of the elephants of hate or prejudice or fear of those who might be different is a willful act that cannot be forgiven. If one wallows in the mud bath with those elephants, they too get muddy. The thing is that if you recognize those elephants in the room that you just entered, you are no longer blissfully ignorant and have to make a choice on how you react. Silence in the face of those elephants is usually seen as acceptance or willful tolerance of the behavior and the elephant splashes mud on you. At a minimum, distancing yourself from that situation or those people at least removes the threat that you could be association with their behavior or opinions; however, that is a very passive way of protesting or showing your true feelings.===JACK: Many of us choose to live with the elephants. Talking about them eventually leads to..."Who's gonna clean up the poop?
FROM OUTHOUSE JUDY: My parents would refer to the “elephant in the room” often. With five of us kids, there was often a large one in our talks. And, we talked a lot with our siblings and parents.===JACK: Talking gets a lot of things resolved. Not talking often causes festering. Do you know what it mean, to fester?
FROM WILLMAR REV: Given in time, they will run away to some circus going through town?! 0;-) ===JACK: You're living in the old days...Circuses don't come to town anymore...not like when you were a whippersnapper.===REV: You "city folks" have forgotten, I'm living out here in west-central Minnesota where all the "simple farmers" live and enjoy the circus still coming to town-- Jose Cole Circus annually play in Willmar, MN! 0;-))===JACK: ...and you still have good old boys stock car races, too. Are they still run on a dirt track?
FROM BLAZING OAKS: You sure can't push it out the door, and I think it's a myth that they are afraid of mice ...Eventually you have to deal with the problem, touchy or tricky as it may be,
like an addiction confrontation, or person who is undermining what you are trying to accomplish, etc. Sometimes when you lose the elephant, you lose a relationship, too. But still has to be dealt with, unless you are going to keep on being unhappy or miserable!===JACK: You have some interesting observations...and if you don't get rid of that elephant, someone's going to have to do some cleaning up...in one way or another.
FROM QUILTING CAROL: Was recently talking to one of Bob’s bike friends whose wife has cancer which is spreading. I’d asked how she was doing and he replied that she sleeps a lot and is enduring the pain. She’d just had another treatment so was not tolerating food well. Of course she doesn’t want to be out in public and he said that in the evenings they often just sit in the living room together not talking. I said it is like having an elephant in the room; he smiled and said that was a good concept. Sometimes there isn’t much we can say about that elephant either. I shared with him that when my mom went through her cancer treatments my 3 sisters and I took turns staying with her so she wouldn’t need to be in a facility. One day I asked her if she’d given any thought to what she wanted to do with her favorite things. She immediately started giving me a rundown. I grabbed a steno pad and wrote down her wishes. We had many good conversations after that as I’d addressed the “elephant”. She wasn’t going to survive her cancer and we both knew it so let’s look forward. I doubt Steve will ask Lori that same question but maybe just maybe he will address the elephant.===JACK: Some people may have vision problems and can't see well enough to spot an elephant....although you should be able to smell one.
FROM QUILTING CAROL: Was recently talking to one of Bob’s bike friends whose wife has cancer which is spreading. I’d asked how she was doing and he replied that she sleeps a lot and is enduring the pain. She’d just had another treatment so was not tolerating food well. Of course she doesn’t want to be out in public and he said that in the evenings they often just sit in the living room together not talking. I said it is like having an elephant in the room; he smiled and said that was a good concept. Sometimes there isn’t much we can say about that elephant either. I shared with him that when my mom went through her cancer treatments my 3 sisters and I took turns staying with her so she wouldn’t need to be in a facility. One day I asked her if she’d given any thought to what she wanted to do with her favorite things. She immediately started giving me a rundown. I grabbed a steno pad and wrote down her wishes. We had many good conversations after that as I’d addressed the “elephant”. She wasn’t going to survive her cancer and we both knew it so let’s look forward. I doubt Steve will ask Lori that same question but maybe just maybe he will address the elephant.===JACK: Some people may have vision problems and can't see well enough to spot an elephant....although you should be able to smell one.
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