“Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again.” (Unknown) I recently discovered that the word, vaping, refers to inhaling and exhaling the vapor from electronic cigarettes. Ann Landers, in giving advice, would sometimes write, MYOB (Mind Your Own Business). When is it OK to enter someone else’s “space.” I’ve been involved in some interventions with regard to substance abuse. When do you choose (or not) to stick your nose in? Any ideas? ;-) Jack
FROM TARMART REV: I’ve often found it to be a good “discussion starter” with the one I felt an intervention was in order, if they were open to it....Case in point—a gentleman I personally know who was sober and used greatly with the local AA group for over 40 years, decided suddenly to fall back into alcoholism. He had lost his wife to death a few years prior. He has now found not being in good health, having dropped all relationship with the local AA chapter he was so heavily involved with, moved into an independent housing complex and has been seen inebriated a number of times by others in the complex and at the Eagle Club he frequents often. He was always a good source and reference I would be helped with and used in regard to helping others with their addiction. There is not one piece of advised I can give him that is not already known to him. I’m thinking he has concluded that his life is coming to an end, he no longer desires any relationship with soberness necessary and he might as well enjoy the addiction once again all my himself until death. I just now have been in contact with him once again while visiting another family in the complex he is resides in. I’m working on an opportunity to ask the question to him, “In his experience over the years with AA, how does one do an intervention with a person who has been sober for over 40 years, helped countless others overcoming their addiction and now has decided to once again have a relationship with the old addiction once again?’ Stay tuned!?!?====JACK: You answered the right call. This world needs more people like you, not more professional bowlers.
FROM RI IN BOSTON: I think there are two issues related to "minding someone else's business". First, do you really want to help the person, and then, it's not whether you stick your nose in, but the manner in which you express your concern for them. I've heard of people saying to a smoker, "I hope you enjoy your cigarette, and I hope you will enjoy your lung cancer too!" I think that sort of uppity attitude won't convince anyone to change.====JACK: You're right! An "uppity attitude" turns people off, or as we say in the church business... a "holier than thou" attitude. You have to really care to express real care.
FROM RS IN TEXAS: Perhaps when you strongly feel someone may be a danger to himself or others - i.e. Nikolas Cruz?====JACK: After the fact, it's easy to say, "Woulda, coulda, shoulda." ====RS: Yep - Hindsight is usually 20/20.====JACK: It's been a long time since I've seen 20/20 on an eye-chart, but, thankfully, I have my wits about me...sorta.
FROM TAMPA SHIRL: Ordinarily I would not interfere with adults unless someone was in danger. With children I might use a different technique ====JACK: How does that strategy work with the Parable of the Good Samaritan? That's a rhetorical question.
FROM BLAZING OAKS: HA! Funny! In our families we often are tempted to "Poke our nose in", but Bill used to say, "All we have to do is love them; If they want our input, they'll let us know..." Many times we were thanked for our "unconditional love"! :-) But in cases of intervention (and we've had a few) it is a loving and concerned thing to do, and usually much needed, but the kicker is it has to be done with really warm love and caring, which often is not the case! I read once that our noses and ears continue to grow throughout our entire life; Hopefullyl they won't be "found" where they are not wanted! Oh dear!====JACK: My experience with "intervention" was at the request of relatives and the therapist...not by the one who had "the problem." It's a very intimidating experience.
FROM HUNGRY HOWIE: When the individual is a danger to him/herself and /or others. If you are qualified to help. If not then find a professional ====JACK: Just like with medications, the wrong ones can do more harm than good.
FROM QUILTING CAROL: I think you have to stick your nose in someone else’s business if you are fearful for their safety, their lives or the lives of others around them. Years ago we did a family intervention with my oldest sister who was found sleeping in her car. She had no heat or water in her house trailer. We knew some things weren’t going well for her, but each time we confronted her as individuals, she had a believable answer for us. This went on until one morning her neighbor reported that she’d come to her home for coffee and wasn’t making any sense; she’d seen her sleeping in her car with the motor running. It was very difficult for us to do this but we asked her pastor to join us to keep things civil. Alas we got her moved into better living conditions and 5 months later she crossed a highway on a raining night wearing dark clothes to buy a lottery ticket and was hit by a car and she died. We were never sorry for sticking our noses in her business, but were sorry she lost her life for such a silly thing. We also felt immense pain for the lady who hit her; have often wondered how her life moved forward. ====JACK: An "intervention" means that you care. It is simply one way to confront a problem. To do nothing is another way. Alvin Toffler said:, "It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution."
FROM BCESQ: My approach for my kids:
1. Does it involve their safety or the safety of others;
2. Does it involve legality
3. Does it involve morality
Almost anything else, I respect their privacy.
====JACK: I guess the only question is about morality. Different people have different moral values. You would probably mean commonly accepted values.====BC: When I talk about it with my kids, I reference the foundational moral values learned at church.====JACK: One of my favorite tasks as a pastor was teaching confirmations classes (7th,8th,9th graders) which included basic morality, centered on the Commandments...not only learning the Commandments, but also learning, "What does this mean?"
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