Jack’s Winning Words 8/15/17
“Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”  (Theodore Roosevelt)  One day, when son David was learning to talk, he pointed to his neck and said, “Something wrongs.”  His mother figured out that he had a sore throat.  Since the death of my wife, I’m often asked, “How are you doing?”  Echoing the words of David, I say, “Something wrongs!”  I’m doing OK. But things are different.  Have you ever had that feeling?   ;-)  Jack

FROM PH:  Every day I awaken alone....grateful for the presence of my beloved 17 year old kitti ====JACK:  I like the Sondheim song...Bein' Alive!  It's got a real beat to it.

FROM TAMPA SHIRL:  It all does get a little easier as time goes by and the children and grandchildren keep u busy====JACK:  "One day at a time..." as the song goes.  Children and g-children can be a blessing, to be sure.

FROM TB IN ILLINOIS:  Yes, I loss my grandmother a few years ago. When I travel back to Tennessee things did not seem the same. Resulting in less frequent trips back. I always remembered her telling me, " be kind to everyone". She would say this in so many different ways.====JACK:  Memory is not like reality, but it's a good thing to have when reality is no longer there.

FROM LG:  Yes, Jack, I have... For about a year after my dad, and then my brother, died, I felt different--sort of disconnected from life on some level. It's tough to describe in words, but I think I have an inkling of how you might feel. My high school best friend just lost her husband to cancer in June. I know my grief experiences don't compare to those of one who's lost a life partner, though. That's a whole different level...   Perhaps the disconnection I felt in grief is a function of the larger desire to connect to the Father, and frustration with my inadequate attempts to do so from within the confines of my earthly abode. I don't know...  Love, hugs and prayers to/for you, Jack====JACK:  I know that many people have walked the same road.  It is comforting to know (as it says in the poem, Footprints), we are not walking alone.

FROM FACEBOOK LIZ:   some call this "the new normal". i guess it is...====JACK:  Did you mother ever say, "Just because all your friends are jumping off a bridge, would you jump, too?"

FROM OUTHOUSE JUDY:  You are always in our prayers!  I've always loved Teddy Roosevelt.  He was a hero to me after I read about him in 5th grade.====JACK:  TR was a heroic President to many people.  It seems fitting to have him as part of the Mt. Rushmore Memorial.

FROM BLAZING OAKS:  Yes,  Teddy had that right, for sure. He also said, "Comparison is the thief of Joy," Which is equally true. We have to be confident in what we have to offer as a person. (Like your Popeye reference in an earlier WW!)  ;We who have lost our beloved mates find that life does go on, but it is never the same; We have a "new normal" to adjust to. Family and friends sure do help! God bless!====JACK:  After having worn a pair of shoes for a long time, it's not easy to break in a new pair.  But the old pair had some "breaking in" days, too...like with the beginning in of a marriage.

FROM RS IN TEXAS:  Yes, and the thoughts and prayers of family and friends helped.  Hope it's that way with you.====JACK:  Letters, cards, e-mails, calls, the funeral home visits and the church worship service were/are a real help.

FROM HUNGRY HOWIE:  When my mother died the worst thing was not being able to call her on the phone or go over and play cards with her or watch sports, (she loved the Tigers and the Pistons).
The Jewish form of grieving is to acknowledge that "something wrongs", by recognizing that a year, four full seasons, are needed to fully grieve and you can't expect to start to find peace until that occurs.  Mary will never leave you, you will never stop missing her. Spend the year remembering her, so you can find a place to carry her forever.====JACK:  She seems to reappear at unexpected times in unexpected places in unexpected ways...and I'm OK with that.

FROM KF:  I know the "different" feeling.  Waking up the next day after someone very close has passed on, your world feels different; and you know it will never feel the way it was. It even looks different, like looking at it through different yes. It's as if "seeing" the loss. : (====JACK:  Yes, there are certain times and certain places where images appear.

FROM ST PAUL IN ST PAUL:  i have often wondered where that phrase came from.   and yes, something is wrong.  tomorrow i will do the funeral for my friend who died last week of Alzheimers.  just a few years older than me.  we live in the hope and the promise of the gospel.  take care, old friend.

FROM QUILTING CAROL:  Good Morning…I, too, have been wondering how you are doing.  As Susanne first said after Dan died…’trying to manage’.  She is still feeling that way some days but moving forward.  I wondered if Mary ever allowed you to help cook or showed you how to make things?  I’ll give you a tip I read many years ago.  The story went that a lady had lost one of her best friends and she wanted to help her friend’s family by cooking or baking for them.  She went to the house, asked to see her cookbooks or recipe cards.  When she found spatters on the pages or cards, that is what she prepared.  She knew her friend had prepared those things for her family.  Hope Mary left some dribbles behind to help you too.  Did Mary also show you how to do laundry?  No mixing whites and darks is my only suggestion, but I bet you already knew that.   I’m sure you miss Mary and your daily conversations and just being ‘together’.  Thinking of you…and caring====JACK:  "We share our mutual woes, our mutual burdens bear...And often for each other flows, the sympathizing tear."

FROM MICHIZONA RAY:  While reading today's WW, I was struck by your reference to Mary's death. We didn't know anything about this, and feel saddened with the news.  I resonate with your description of "something seems wrong" when certain people are no longer with us in this world. In my own experience these many years later, I still expect to see the cat come into the room, or we'll visit Mary's dad in Newberry, or my brother will call, and more...  Because they live so strong in my memory, I have to remind myself often that they are no longer with us here.  There is an old song sang by Dionne Warwick: "Extravagant Gestures". It is a song about how one accompanies another to a departure point so (s)he can go on a wonderful trip...while we are left here.  I'm glad for those who are in the presence of God, unencumbered by our physical restrictions; but I am also aware that I still suffer the loss.  I pray for your whole family, all your friends, everyone with whom you engage, and for continuous blessings of God's Grace.  Stay well in God's comfort.====JACK:  There should be a sign:  "Life is FRAGILE!  Handle with care."

FROM GUSTIE MARLYS:  Did Mary die?  You did not tell me.  I am so sorry!    I know how it feels that "something wrongs”!====JACK:  Death announcement is not like a birth announcement.  Some news we want to shout out.  Other news tends to be pushed aside, thinking that it might go away.

FROM DM:  I look forward to reading your Winning Words.  Thank  you.====JACK:  ...and I look forward to sending them out to you...and others like you.

FROM SHARIN' SHARON:  When my mom died, dad spent a year and a half going to the doctor and to a foot reflexologist. I just remember calling all the time (he lived in Iowa) "dad, what did the doctor say?" But the doctor could never find out anything. I think dad benefited more from the foot reflexologist. But after a year and a half, dad didn't have to go to the doctor all the time. Maybe the doctor was helping dad too. "Something wrongs". We care about you, pastor====JACK:  As the song puts it: things are interconnected.
The toe bone connected to the heel bone,
The heel bone connected to the foot bone,
The foot bone connected to the leg bone,
The leg bone connected to the knee bone,
The knee bone connected to the thigh bone,
The thigh bone connected to the back bone,
The back bone connected to the neck bone,
The neck bone connected to the head bone,
Oh, hear the word of the Lord!

FROM GOPHER LYNN:  You are right…things are not the same   Thanks for the fine message today====JACK:  Unbelievable that two sisters who shared so much when growing, should also share the death/heaven experience at almost the same time.

FROM DR J IN OHIO:  This is it one of my favorite quotes. A particularly good one for teachers.
Another favorite is "unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing will get better, it will not!" Dr. Seuss====JACK:  Have you heard of the CARE organization?  Did you know that it was founded after WW 2 to help fight global poverty?  And, did you know that CARE is an acronym for Cooperative for American Remittances to Europe?

FROM JAN:  When my brother passed away 21 years ago, a friend sent me this poem.
Quiet World
The world feels different . . .
            and I wish it would stop a minute
            so people would notice.
The sun still rises and sets,
            as it always has.
People still go about their busy lives,
            making their dent in the world.
The children still play in the park,
            with sounds of laughter everywhere.
But it’s quieter today,
            and no one else is noticing.
There is just one less person
            making his noise today,
And that person meant the world
            to me.
Aydin Akcasu – November 12, 1991
It's just a poem, but it made me feel a little better to know that others understood that "something wrongs" feeling.   You're in my prayers.====JACK:  The fact that you wrote, "21 years ago," means that you haven't forgotten, and that the memory stays with you.  Some people...you just don't forget.  Thanks for "Quiet World."  It's more than "just a poem."====JAN:   As I'm sure you know, losing someone important defines time. "Oh, that was before Al died." Or "That was just after Mary passed away." It doesn't just define time, it defines who we are.

FROM LS:  I cannot say I have felt the exact feeling that you are experiencing.  It feels, through my interpretation of your words,  that you loved deeply with great passion for a beautiful woman.
Perhaps, Now, from this realm we live in she has moved on.  It was her time to move on.  You are here to learn and continue to gain wisdom until it is your time to move on.  When my mom was sick ... I felt something was wrong - I was ok - although things were different.  When she passed I felt all was right.  I was at peace.  No longer was something wrong,  it was all alright.  My purpose in sharing is when I read your words that something feels wrong to you - you are ok - although things are different.  May God bless you by walking beside you as you find comfort.   I hope you are uplifted  by my words to a possibility of understanding.====JACK:  Thanks for your caring.

FROM TARMART REV:  I have not personally for a time . . . but have many close elderly friends of late that I share in their sorrow feeling the same, “Something wrong!====JACK:  I'm sure that in your work as a chaplain you've found yourself in many "something wrongs" situations.  The miracle is that God so often gives us the right words to say.

FROM CR:  I've thought about you and the loss of your wife Mary every time I've opened Jack's Winning Words.  When my sister-in-law lost her husband, a friend gave her a book that was helpful to her.  It was small daily passages and it offered her just enough.  She said she wasn't ready to read books on grief, but she was grieving deeply and this little book helped.  Healing After Loss; Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman  She gave it to me when I was going through my separation which was not death, but a loss of a loved one, and it was helpful to me then, as well  Thoughts and prayers are with you.====JACK:  Thanks for your caring and for the book suggestion.