Jack’s Winning Words 7/24/14
“Why do people always apologize to corpses?”  (David Brin)  Recently I saw an article about “How to say, ‘I’m sorry.’”  The writer suggested that empathy (putting yourself in the other’s place) is the start of a good apology.  Besides that, people who apologize tend to have better mental health.  Oftentimes we will make an admission of guilt, but fall short of asking for forgiveness.  They go together.  “I’m sorry!  Forgive me!”    ;-)  Jack

FROM PLH IN MINNESOTA:  good words today, Jack. thanks...years ago i counseled a young woman whose father died very unexpectedly.  she and he father had "major issues" with each other. lots of bad blood,  lots of angry words.  now, she thought, is was too late to reconcile.  she was partly right.  but i had her go home and write a letter to her father which she did.  a week later she was in my office again with a 23 page letter!  she read it aloud to me and we even did a little editing.  then, on the first warm spring day, i told her to take a lawn chair out to the cemetery, sit by the graveside,  and then read that letter slowly, out loud to her father and to believe with all her heart that he was listening.  ignore any passersby, should there be any.  she did as i asked and i actually think it was helpful. in fact, she did it more than once as i recall.  it wasn't perfect, but in this case, talking to the corpse was helpful, i believe.====JACK:  What a great story of pastoral advice and the "pay off."  It sounds as though the Holy Spirit was also involved, too.

FROM TARMART REV:  Always forgiven in my book, Jack ... Hope you can always forgive me!?!? ... I've met a few who were so angry that the didn't want to hear, "I apologize. Can you forgive me?" ... One gentleman accused me of taking the easy way out by apologizing for not standing up to what he was asking of me. 0;-/====JACK:  The important thing to keep in mind is that God knows and understands, regardless of what others might think and say.  Art Linkletter used to have a radio/TV show titled, "People Are Funny."  Funny is a word that can have more than one meaning.

FROM EDUCATION PAUL:  WOW...this struck home, thanks.  I continually observe people at a funeral of someone they know who they haven't seen in many years...then "we" say, "sorry..I should have called or paid you a visit...to the casket.====JACK:  John Greenleaf Whittier wrote these lines,
“Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.”   There a couple of other sad words..."If only..."

FROM M IN MICHIGAN:  I just did that yesterday to a lifelong friend regarding a bachelor party we had for him nearly 30 years ago.====JACK:  So, you beat me to the punch!  Good...Now, it's done.
  ====From M:  He just responded to me and downplayed it saying he was told  “it was the best time of his life” even though he got quite ill. I’ve known him since we were 12 and have kept in touch throughout the years.====JACK:  Things have a way of working out.

FROM JE IN MICHIGAN:  This is so true … sorry and forgiveness. Going to funeral for mom and son …. Went to funeral home yesterday. The saddest events I have every encountered.  The father and two daughters are handling it with miraculous faith and understanding. God IS with them.  Thank you for WW.====JACK:  It was good that you went to the funeral...for the sake of the deceased and in support of the family that mourns.  You and the others who were there helped "ease the pain," I am sure.

FROM TRIHARDER:  Or talk to tombstones.====JACK:  Did you know that there are talking tombstones?  Technology allows people to come up to a grave, push a button and hear the voice of the deceased?  What message would you want to leave?

FROM TAMPA SHIRL:  Very good advice.  Easier said than done for some people.====JACK:  If it were easy, it probably wouldn't need to be done in the first place.

FROM BLAZING OAKS:  I've seen this many times in our ministry, of course...your idea of writing the letter to the father who died unexpectedly was certainly a good one!  The focus of life needs to be to live so that as few regrets as possible are felt...I think we get better at that as we age!  This is a good question to keep in mind...take care of things while the person can respond....even if the apology is not well received, you have done your part to reconcile.  I'm thinking of two brothers in our  Elgin church that Bill counseled, who hadn't spoken to each other for many years, when one became very ill, and the healthy brother wanted to go to the sick brother, but felt he wouldn't be received. Bill urged him to go, and he did, and was received with open arms. Both brothers cried, and reunited, and neither could remember why they had quarreled!! So many years lost, but at least they had a few left to enjoy, and he didn't have to apologize to a corpse!!====JACK:  Bill's idea of having the two brothers get together was a good one.  Sometimes we forget that God is omnipresent in situations that seem "impossible."  BTW, the letter recommendation was from a friend of mine.