Winning Words 5/30/13
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”  (Unknown)  It’s been years since I’ve heard the words, “Tyst med du.”  That’s the Swedish version of “shut up” that my aunt used when she didn’t want to hear any more from me.  Kids sometimes get mouthy.  But there are adults who are mouthy, too.  How do you handle it?  I’ve found that “to give it back” just prolongs the argument.  What’s a good way to tell someone to “shut up?”    ;-)  Jack

 FROM MICHIZONA RAY:  I don't know if there is a good way. Yesterday, Mary and I watched a television program that interviews a particular actor. Near the end, the interviewer asks a list of questions -- one of which includes,"What is your favorite curse word?" The best answer I could think of as a response was: the one not spoken. I think it is always difficult to answer rightly a bad question. It is a lot like trying to think about the best way to do anything unfruitful. Sometimes forbearance is the best way.====JACK: Some questions don't deserve answers....just as a good way to end an unwanted conversation is to stop talking.  Not always easy to do, but effective.

 FROM HONEST JOHN:  A good debate is worth having since a good debate involves listening....an argument between two fools deserves Tyst med dig".   Or "sager ingenting."====JACK:  I know that in debate there is always one who gets the last word.  Does that rule hold in personal debates?  Some people always seem to want to get in the last word...thinking it makes them the "winner."====JOHN:  In college debate the Affirmative always got the last word....but the negative won more often ....    but, yes, I agree with you that some think that getting the last word makes them a "winner"....what it makes them is the last speaker....nothing more....

 FROM TREHARDER:  I've seen lawyers argue their way out of a winning position by talking too much.  When I see the judge is arguing my position for me in court, I shut up. When the judge then turns to me, my response is often, "Your honor, you've stated my position far better than I could ever hope to."  I've just learned a more complete lesson. When you tell a client not to talk and he/she insists on getting in a few words, you walk out -- or at least threaten.  "You apparently don't need me here."  In the specific case I'm discussing, the client, a lawyer, was brought up on charges for offering information that he didn't need to offer. Lawyers are very difficult clients.====JACK:  I think that adding "far better that I could ever hope to" is an example of saying too much.  In most instances, it's not believable.  As a juror (or judge), I might roll my eyes.====TH:  Lawyers are the kings (and queens) of superlatives.  ===Thank you for the valuable lesson/insight.====JACK:  All of us who make a living with our mouth need to be reminded of that.

 FROM RI IN BOSTON:  I like:  "I beg your pardon...I think you've mistaken me for someone who's interested in what you have to say."====JACK:  "I beg your pardon" is like saying, "Excuse me," prior to sticking a knife into someone."====RI:  "I beg your pardon" is a proper way of interrupting a person talking.  "Excuse me" is what you say after sticking a knife into someone.

 FROM CS IN WISCONSIN:  Our 17 year old granddaughter teaches karate to kindergarten children. One of them tells his mother to ‘SHUT UP’.  He said those words to Katherine in class.  She said she paused a moment, walked over and picked him up, set him next to the wall and told him he was in ‘time out’!  He was quiet after that – she thought maybe the shock value was what worked.  That she didn’t answer him back but removed him from her space…and face.  It really upsets Katherine to hear him speak to his mother this way and wonders what he’ll be like if his mother allows him to keep doing this to her. ====JACK:  Good for Katherine.....a wise teacher.  I see it as a problem, both for the boy and for the mother (who seems to allow it).  K can't change the whole world, but she can control her space.

 FROM WALMART REV:  "I'm not saying another word, Jack!" . . . or did I?====JACK:  Do you know people who always have to have the last word?

 FROM PEPPERMINT MARY:  i use the phrase..."nothing good can come from this".  most people get the message!====JACK:  That certainly is a positive way of handling a negative situation.

 FROM TAMPA SHIRL:  First of all, our children and grandchildren were not allowed to say "shut up."  They could say "keep quiet."  I don't remember how we  taught our children, but when we were in charge the grandchildren were told that those words were not to be said in our presence.  That, and "I hate you" were two things not be heard in our house or when we were in charge.====JACK:  Calling someone an "idiot" (or similar derogatory name) was not permitted by us..

 FROM OUTHOUSE JUDY:  "Shut up" was and still is "swear" word in our family.  There is no polite way to tell someone to close their mouth.  Usually, just walking away works for me...even if it's a little child.  If there is no one to mouth off too, the person usually is quiet.  I had a sister who would just follow me around when we were little.  It's probably not a good way to handle a mouthy person so I will make sure to read your blog's entries to see how others handle the situation.====JACK:  Maybe there are some frustrating situations when it is OK to say slowly..."WILL...YOU...JUST...SHUT...UP!!!!!!"   Mmmmm, after reading what I wrote, it really has to be a frustrating situation.====JUDY:  That made me laugh.  I really don't know of any situation where you would seriously say Shut Up.  I have to make a confession though, I have often said it to myself in situations.====JACK:  Or, "Bite your tongue."

 FROM DONNA THE BADGER:  "I gotta go. Bye bye." I LOVE this quote.  Have a happy day. ====JACK:  Do you really have to go, or are you just telling me to shut up?====DONNA:  I actually don't like the words shut up, do you? I don't like it when I hear parents saying it to their kids. There are other word choices or even the "look" which means shut up. ;o) Do you know that look?====JACK:  A wife sometimes give "the look" to her husband.

 FROM SAINT JAMES:  The mouthy adults are the worst...====JACK:  "Put a cork in it!"

 FROM BLAZING OAKS:  I DON'T RECALL MY PARENTS EVERY USING THAT PHRASE TO US, AND WE CERTAINLY WOULDN'T THINK OF YELLING THAT AT THEM, EITHER!  KIDS DO SOMETIMES TELL EACH OTHER TO SHUT UP.... IN DICEY SITUATIONS, I HAVE SAID, "I THINK FURTHER DISCUSSIONS NEED TO WAIT UNTIL WE ALL CALM DOWN"  OR, "IT DOESN'T SEEM PRUDENT TO CONTINUE THIS RIGHT NOW" OR "LET'S JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE, SHALL WE? IN  A LOVING WAY, IF POSSIBLE!!  :-)====JACK:  I had to smile at your "dicey situation" responses.  You might be able to pull it off, but I'm not so sure about me.

 FROM GOOD DEBT JON:  Silence and indifference are usually more effective than verbal responses. ====JACK:  Indifference is a great comeback.

 FROM PLAIN FOLKS CHESTER:  Reminds me of the old Mae West joke with the punch line, "So's mine. It must be the salt water."====JACK:  I don't get it.

 FROM HAWKEYE GEORGE:  It depends on the person talking.====JACK:  I know of a pastor  who was booed by some members of his congregation during a meeting.

 FROM FACEBOOK LIZ:  i go straight for the jugular.====JACK:  As Count Dracula says: "Ooooh, that's scary!"====LIZ:  it works. & saves time!====JACK:  If "it works" that's what's most important.

 FROM BIG AL:  Hol Shefton po de, Ochso.  "Hold Tongue on you, also"====JACK:  I'd forgotten that one.  I heard "hol shefton" many times.