Jack’s Winning Words 1/24/18
“Old is when people compliment you on your alligator shoes, and you’re not wearing any.”  (Norm Crosby)  It’s said that comedian Norm was exactly as he appeared to be—a big slob, and he probably enjoyed being called that.  Crosby was a regular on the Borscht Belt.  Since he’s now in his 90s, many of his aging jokes can apply to him.  Most old people I know don’t mind jokes about aging.  Some of you may even forward one to me,,,if you can remember to do it.    ;-)  Jack

FROM TAMPA SHIRL:  You r only as old as u feel====JACK:  I feel good1!  (Play the song!)

Blues Brothers, I Feel Good.MOV - YouTube

FROM RS IN TEXAS:  Three older gentlemen played golf together often.  But as time went by, their eyesight got so bad they couldn't see where the ball went.  One day they got paired up with another older man who said his eyesight was excellent and he would be happy to watch their ball and tell them where it went.  They all teed off the first tee, and the guys asked the new guy ..."OK, where did our ball go?"   The new guy replied..."I forgot."    Thought I better send you that one before I forgot. ====JACK:  Get a few more like that one and could have a 2nd career in stand-up comedy.

FROM IKE AT THE MIC:  In my seminars that I do on "The Bright Side Of Aging"
I've had good response from some of the following :
"Age is a matter of the mind.if you don't mind it doesn't matter"
"Aging is inevitable wisdom is optional"
"Everyone is too old for something ,no one  is too old for everything"
"Yesterday is history,tomorrow is a mystery,today is a gift that's why we call it the present"
"I'm getting to the that point in life that when I bend down,I try to  see what else I can pick up  while I'm down there"
====JACK:  People who want to listen to your radio program can Google "The Bright Side of Aging."  Ain't the internet great?

FROM TARMART REV:  I’ll try to remember to do , when the ‘punch line’ comes back me!?! ====JACK:  The Optimist Club has a Creed which reads in part... "to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future."

FROM BB IN CHGO:  The forgetfulness jokes make me smile as I am, and have been forgetful for a long time.  I think the “Tile” system - and competing technologies – would not be making the $ they are if their sales were relegated to “old” people.====JACK:  Everyone ages, and the process of growing older becomes easier when we are able to laugh at some of the changes that go with it.

FROM OHIO:  Recently my doctor told me this: "the reason you suffer all these aches and pains has nothing to do with your auto accident the other day. It's due to cold weather, arthritis, and the fact you are old. No, you are not going to sue anybody." His smile was broad.====JACK:  Who dares to sue God for creating such a thing as aging?====OHIO:  God is older than we.====JACK:  Do you think that jokes will be told in heaven?====OHIO:  God gets the last joke and last laugh.

FROM AA IN FL:  would love to, but i'm not that old or can't remember====JACK:  You're not that old?  Take the year you were born, subtract it from 2018.  That's how OLD you are.

FROM OUTHOUSE JUDY:  Norm was funny but to tell you the truth, I didn’t know he was still alive!  Glad to hear it.  And his joke was funny but true.  My grandma used to rub her thumb across the back of my hand.  One day I asked her why is rubbed my hand.  She said “Your skin is so smooth, one day you will understand.”  I find myself holding the grandkid’s hands and rubbing my thumb on the back of their hands.     I’ll look for a joke.  I know a lot but can’t remember them!====JACK:  My mother, in her 90s, said that the worst thing about growing old was losing her friends, one by one.
====JUDY:  I imagine that would be very hard.  My grandpa was 67 when he passed away from a brain tumor which caused a stroke.  He was 2 years older then my grandma.  My grandma was 67 when she passed away with a brain hemorrhage.  I’m 67 now and I think about how young they were.   Death is do dad but, we know we will be together again!!====JACK:
"God hath not promised skies always blue,  Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,  Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
  But God hath promised strength for the day,  Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,    Unfailing sympathy, undying love."
====JUDY:  That saying was on my grandma’s memorial card.  I have it memorized.  What a wonderful poem to recite to oneself.

FROM DL:  You can only burn the midnight oil until 9:00 o'clock.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

You feel like the morning after and you didn't go anywhere the night before.

The twinkle in your eyes is the sun hitting your bifocals.

Is that enough?  Hope so, because I can't remember any more!====JACK:  I guess it takes one to know one.

FROM NAME WITHHELD:  A funny cartoon in "The Geezer Planet" (not for the blog!): A nurse says to an elderly couple, "The Dr. would like a stool sample, a urine sample, and a sperm sample." The man says to his wife, "Eh? What did she say?"  The wife replies, "They want your underwear". ...Probably funnier to women than to men. :-)