Jack’s Winning Words 10/4/18
“Knowing that there is worse pain doesn’t make the present pain hurt any less.”  (Gordon Atkinson)  I’ve been reading about some things to say (or not to say) to express sympathy.  SAY: “I’m sorry…You’re in my thoughts…It must be hard…I love you…I don’t know what to say.”
AVOID: “I know how you’re feeling…You’ll feel better soon…Some things are worse.”  I know a man who said, “Is there anything I can do?”  “Yes,” said the widow, “You can spade my garden.”   ;-)  Jack

FROM ST PAUL IN ST PAUL:   there is also that old line that goes like this.   a hurting person asks, what did i do to deserve this?   does he really want an answer to that question???  of course not! ...I gave a talk at Forum Hour last Sunday on Why bad things happen to good people.  and i quoted Harold Kushner who in his book says something very similar to what you just wrote.  good words to remember.===JACK:   I think that many people want to do the right thing, but don't know how to do it.  Besides preaching... a pastor can help the congregation  when they have "hard questions" and when it comes to knowing what to say in "difficult situations."

FROM LG IN COMMERCE:  In the Jewish tradition we say "Baruch Dayan ha'Emet (Hebrew: Blessed Is the True Judge; Jewish bereavement blessing)"  For some explanations, see:  http://www.jewishvaluesonline.org/621
However, your expressions are typical of what most of use when speaking to one of the mourners.  A simple "I'm sorry for your loss" is appropriate.  And you are absolutely correct about "I know how you feel" or similar.  As you surely know better than I, nobody can know exactly how another person feels.  Wishing you a wonderful day!===JACK:  It's always a wonderful day when I learn something new which underscores what I already believe.  We're more alike than we are different.

FROM KB:  Another one of my favorites +++JACK:  You've had the experience of dealing with people in pain...and it wasn't always an owie.+++JACK:  I'll bet you've plowed more than one needy person's driveway.

FROM JT IN SJ:  Brought a chuckle Probably shouldn't have but I related  Have a good day ===JACK:  You could have said, "You can clean the barn."

FROM BB IN CHGO:  That last is a beautiful one; I can see your sister saying it right now!  Last night I went to Old St. Patricks, the oldest church building in Chicago and heard Nadia Bolz Weber (an ELCA pastor) who just worked the ELCA youth event.  Have you heard her?  What a pistol!  Speech laced with profanity, tattoo sleeves (of the church calendar) and a very sassy presentation. ===JACK:  Which last one?   "Is there anything I can do?  or  "You can spade the garden."